Help in assessing whether the feelings I have are romantic

Discussion in 'Boys Stuff' started by ben, Oct 20, 2014.


    ben Member

    Hi guys,
    I need some advice here as I am not experienced with matters related to relationships. Well, I am unsure of whether the feelings I hold for my best friend, a girl, is romantic or not. Firstly, I would like to establish the context of our current status. I known this girl for 5 years and even after we graduated from secondary school, we still kept in touch and we established oursleves as best and true friends, where I offer advice advice and assistance for her whenever she needs it and we do chat and meet up once in a blue-moon.

    The problem is this, I MAY have held romantic feelings for her during my last year in secondary school but I did not do anything about it as I was unsure of my feelings at that time. After we graduated, I still held feelings for her but when I was informed that she has a boyfriend, I kind of gave up on any thoughts of confessing to her. She later broke up with her boyfriend and after a period of time, was attached again. These possible romantic feelings probably died out then but I still cherished her as a very important friend ever since. However, a few months back, when we met up again, she told me that she broke up with her boyfriend again (her boyfriend cheated on her) and she regretted not heeding her parents' advice to not date early.

    Since then, I experienced some eccentric feelings. Whenever my parents or anyone ask if I have a girlfriend, I would deny it and say that I am not the kind of guy to have a girlfriend. However, after which, I would start to think of this best friend of mine and ask myself whether I hold romantic feelings for her. I would think about this for a whole day or a few days before it subsides for a relatively long period of time, with me not really thinking about her and denying that I like her. Two months back, when she called me out of the blue to meet up so that she can pass me mooncakes as a form of appreciation for the help that I have been offering her, my mum teased me about it and my heart was beating so fast that I have no idea what was going on. Again I tried to deny it but after my mum's teasing today, I felt that I really have evaluate my feelings again.

    From the above situation, do you think that I have romantic feelings for her or do I only treat her as a very important friend?

    Even if I do have romantic feelings for her,I have no idea whether she will express any romantic interest in me, and from how my sister sees it, it is likely that she sees me as a best friend. So should I go for it or refrain from doing so?

    Some other information that you may want to consider:
    I had one relationship 4 years back but it failed quite badly. After 3 years of reflection, I finally knew what went wrong and vowed not to repeat it again if I do have another relationship. I do believe that I am relatively mature for my age due to my family circumstances and I will only engage in a serious and committed relationship, not a casual one. I do feel that I am ready for another relationship as I am comfortable being myself and being single but I am not pressured or obesssed to be in a relationship. I just thought that I may want to give romantic relationship another go if I do hold romantic feelings for this best friend of mine, not to complete me but to complement my life and her's.

    Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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